The Silmarillion Gets Silly Slogans
by Mornen
Summary: I was online for school, and I stumbled across this weird slogan site, the results were so blatantly stale, that I had to try this out - this is what happened...so now you all get to know what I do when I am supposed to be doing my homework.
1. The House of Finwe Gets Cheesy Slogans

_As I said in the summary, I happened across this site that had a slogan generating toolbar. Well, the results were so blatantly stale, that I had to try this out, and this is what happened. Hope you enjoy!_

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><p>Finwë - you can't live without it. <em>(Definitely true in the case of Fëanor.) <em>

Maedhros – one size fits all. _(__Well, there is only one size, but what he fits…I wonder.)_

With Maglor you'll have no more worries. _(I wouldn't be so sure about that.)_

Celegorm – the solution. _(Unless you're Lúthien…)_

Caranthir for when it's quitting time. _(I can only begin to imagine what…)_

The facts show Curufin is tops. _(This fits him, actually.)_

The king of Amrod. _(This might work better if the king went directly before the name.)_

Amras – it's guaranteed. _(Good, because I lost the first one to accidental burning.)_

Nerdanel – just what you needed. _(I am assuming this was directed at Fëanor.)_

Fingolfin – a radical new idea. _(Maybe that's why Fëanor was so opposed to him.)_

Anairë, any time of day. _(Ah, Fingolfin, maybe you shouldn't be so…oh, never mind.)_

Budee, Budee, that's all Fingon. _(I am truly confused…)_

This Turgon? You bet! _(And since you're in his city, prepare for...DEATH!)_

Aredhel, can't be beat. _(Unless your name is Eöl…)_

Argon_ - _to be or not to be? That is the question. _(And a darn good one it is too.)_

Finarfin works like magic. _(And he knows when to turn back too.)_

Finrod is crazy good. _(So true.)_

Orodreth – the clear choice. _(As long as you aren't talking about being king…)_

Angrod is going places. _(Aren't they all?)_

To Aegnor, or not to Aegnor. _(Well, I think I will Aegnor, if you don't mind.)_

Galadriel, you know you want it. _(Ah…who is saying that, and what do they mean?)_

Our Ëarwen is bigger! _(Um…)_

_(And saving my favorite for last:)_

I see Fëanor in your future.


	2. The Valar Get Clichéd Slogans

Manwë…yep, that's it. _(There is no more. Actually, there is.)_

Varda – just what the doctor ordered. _(The doctor doesn't like dealing with giant spider wounds.)_

I need Aulë right now. _(Patience, patience! Perhaps you should see Nienna?)_

Yavanna – keep it coming. _(Grass, trees, flowers [I feel a stupid slogan coming on] – they're all good.)_

Free Oromë for all! _(Just wait 'til he hears about that…)_

Vána makes you sexy! _(No surprise there, what with being the 'ever young.')_

Mandos…get your Mandos here. _(Are you sure that you want to?)_

Varië gets me excited. _(Well, if you really like watching weaving…)_

Lórien – enjoy when no one's around. _(Isn't that awfully suggestive? Or do you just mean private dreams?)_

Estë online. _(That's convenient.)_

A leaner, meaner Tulkas. _(So, did he stop laughing?)_

Nessaized! _(How appealing! Now I can run as fast as I want! Ha!)_

Everyone wants an Ulmo. _(Judging by the way they treat him, I wouldn't say that this is entirely true…)_

Nienna is the buzz. _(I think weeping has become the latest trend…)_

_(And, as before, I saved my favorite for last:)_

Melkor – always the right choice.

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><p><em>I hope you enjoyed these. Tell me if you want more and, if you do, give me suggestions on who to do.<em>


	3. Children of Húrin Get Strange Slogans

Huor – have more fun. _(Well, if you're comparing him to his brother…)_

It all comes back to Húrin. _(Ah, that it does.)_

Morwen lasts longer. _(We are comparing her to her children, correct?)_

The more Túrin the better! _(I can just imagine what readers tired of his depressing story would say.)_

Lalaith chews 'em up and spits 'em out. _(I am having a hard time visualizing that.)_

Think positive, think Nienor. _(Positive doesn't cross very well with The Children of Húrin.)_

Saved by Sador. _(Oh, wouldn't you wish?)_

Beleg…the meaning of life… _(Aw…)_

Mablung – when you just feel like it. _(See, Mablung? Someone wants you.)_

Get a free Thingol with your purchase! _(I would love to see his face.)_

Melian eclipses the competition. _(I would agree.)_

Saeros will love you forever. _(Sure he will…)_

Women love Mîm. _(I beg your pardon!)_

Andróg gets you goin'. _(Uh, please, stay away from me.)_

Get Gwindor today. _(There he is, waiting for you beneath the tree.)_

Orodreth gets you through the night. _(*coughs nervously*)_

Review the facts. Finduilas is the best. _(Poor Gwindor…)_

Brandir stands above the rest. _(Three cheers for Brandir!)_

Glaurung – when you need results. _(I suppose this was directed to Morgoth.)_

Morgoth – fun for the whole family. _(Ah, yes, I can see that…*shudders*)_


	4. Beren and Lúthien Get Weird Slogans

Lúthien, like business, is better with multiple partners. _(I can't wait to here what Beren has to say about that.)_

Beren, try him, you'll like him! _(As Thingol learns too late…after his doom is set in motion. Typical.)_

Huan – one size fits all. _(The hunter doggy, the lover doggy, the watchdoggy, the ride-on doggy, the big, scary touch-that-girl-and-I-will-tear-you-to-shreds doggy – they all come in one size. XL.)_

The science of Barahir. _(Is this: If I save your life, you will have a few years to enjoy it before you die in excruciating pain for my pathetic son. Deal? *Smiles like a used car salesman and extends his hand*)_

Melian – one is not enough. _(That depends who you are talking to…)_

Red-hot Thingol. _(When Beren comes in, yes.)_

For a fresh change, try Daeron. _(Maybe you ought to listen to that one, Lúthien.) _

Get Finrod, forget the rest. _(If only…*sighs dreamily*)_

Hey, have you tried Orodreth? _(I can imagine Curufin whispering this to Celegorm, but I don't want to begin to guess what about.)_

Celegorm – when it has to get done. _(You have brains; he has brawns. He's a good asset.)_

Put Curufin in your pipe and smoke it! _(Well, well, well…)_

Santa, all I want is Mandos. _(Um, Mom? I think my little brother is getting suicidal.)_

Our Carcharoth will give you softer skin. _(I heard that digestive juices make a very good moisturizer. *Nods convincingly*) _

Draugluin eats the competition. _(Or he was supposed to.)_

Thuringwethil gets you where you are going. _(She's got wings! Wings, I say!)_

Morgoth – new and improved. _(Ah, no comment.)_

See my shiny new Sauron? _(*Flutters eyelashes innocently* Yes.*looks very appealing* He doesn't want to hurt me does he? [A few moments and a few screams later] I shouldn't have asked…)_


End file.
